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If people maintain the belief systems that empower them, they will come back with enough resourcefulness to succeed eventually – Anthony Robbins
As a Life and performance coach, I have observed that one of the things that stop people from creating a life that they want are their beliefs or rather limiting beliefs. You may have noticed that the key difference between confident and ‘not so’ confident people are the beliefs that they hold or things they believe in-whether their beliefs are powerful and empowering or are limiting.
Let us try and understand more about beliefs. Here are some definitions:
Something one accepts as t:rue or real; a firmly held opinion – Oxford Dictionary
Assumptions and convictions that are held to be true, by an individual or a group, regarding concepts, events, people, and things.
The story of an elephant and the rope is a classic example of limiting belief – a story worth retelling ( reference : http://make-it-happen.co.uk/belief-system-elephant)
When an elephant is a baby, the keeper ties the baby elephant with a strong rope to a tree. Of course, the free-spirited, uninhibited baby elephant tries to escape but is held back by the rope. After a while, the baby elephant is exhausted by its futile efforts. It believes that there is no hope. The hopelessness and learned helplessness stay in the elephant’s unconscious mind even when it grows into an adult. Even when the adult elephant can snap the rope with just a casual tug, it makes no such effort. This limiting belief gets etched in the unconscious mind of the elephant.
Our stories are no different from the elephant story. Our limiting beliefs are formed usually in our childhood through various sources such as our environment or certain events. We can form our beliefs with just one experience or we might require a few references before we start holding that as true and then start viewing our life from those perceptual filters.
For example, one of the mid-level managers I worked with, started with a limiting belief that “I am not good at numbers”, during our coaching session, we discovered that when she was in grade 4, she was unable to solve a mathematical problem and her father was so upset that he tore the book. That incident stayed with her and thus did her belief that she was ‘not good with numbers’.
The question then is how to identify that we are ‘grown up’ or ‘strong enough’ to ‘snap the rope’ with a just a ‘casual tug’. Here are a few steps that I have found useful:
- Being aware and understanding our language pattern-If we observe following pattern in our language, then it is a sign that we are holding certain limiting beliefs
- I can’t speak in the public forum.
- I am not able to manage the team.
- Life is difficult.
- All bosses are mean.
- People must talk to me nicely.
- My child should always be the best student in his/her class.
- I have a poor people management skill because I have always been an individual contributor.
- She didn’t greet me today, that must mean she is upset with me.
- I am not good enough.
- Asking questions–By asking questions, we may be able to challenge some of the self-sabotaging beliefs. Here are few examples using sentences from point no. 1
- I can’t speak in the public forum – What prevents me from speaking in the public forum? Or What would happen if I did?
- I am not able to manage my team members–According to who?
- My child should always be the best student in his/her class – What would happen if he/she does not top the class?
- All bosses are mean – All bosses?
- I have a poor people management skill because I have always been an individual contributor–How does being an individual contributor make me poor at people management skill?
- Restating the beliefs-When we restate our beliefs in a slightly different way, we also tend to view it a bit differently. Here are few examples:
- I can’t speak in the public forum vs. I think I can’t speak in the public forums
- I am not good enough vs. I think I am not good enough
- All bosses are mean vs. According to my experience, all bosses are mean.
- Look for counter-examples-Find enough counter examples to overcome beliefs, such as “where or when has this belief not been true either for us or other people?”
- Consider the consequences-One of ways is understanding the consequence of holding on to our beliefs. Here are few consequence questions:
- What will the consequences be if I’m unable to make this change and eliminate this limiting belief?
- How will not changing affect my life?
- What are the short-term and long-term consequences of not changing?
- What would happen to people who matter to me?
- Affirmations-An affirmation is a positive statement specifically targeted at re-programming an existing limiting belief. Remember, that any thought we repeat often enough will in time be passed down to our unconscious mind to create a belief. If the new, positive statement is repeated enough times, it will in time be strong enough to over-ride the existing negative one. Some of the examples of affirmations are:
- I believe that anything is possible if I set my mind to it.
- I can do this… I believe in myself…
- I am strong, confident and capable…
- I will find a way to make this work…
There is a story that Michael Neill recites in his book ‘Effortless Success’. It is about a teacher who started working in a new school and was given a list of her students that also had a corresponding number–according to her was their IQs that was very high. She was thrilled to be given bright and intelligent kids to work with. She really enjoyed teaching the class. The kids did great in the class. At the end of the semester when the grades were announced, the Principal of the school appreciated the teacher, he said; “I am amazed, you have done so well”. The teacher said, “Thank you, but they are the brightest kids in the school.” The Principal said, “That’s the remedial class”. “Remedial Class?” asked the teacher. “But I got the list along with their IQs”, she said. He replied, “Those weren’t their IQs, they were their locker numbers”.
We tend to see what we expect to see.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it useful. The fact you have read this article means that you would like to read about NLP and Coaching. For more on Coaching and NLP, do read my previous articles.
References/ Sources :
- http://make-it-happen.co.uk/belief-system-elephant
- Effortless Success: How to Get What You Want and Have a Great Time Doing It! – Michael Neill
- https://blog.iqmatrix.com/limiting-beliefs
