‘Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation’- Michael Jordan
When was the last time you experienced happiness or joy or excitement? What do you remember from that experience?
Do you see it as a picture that is colorful or black and white? Is the picture bright or dull? Is it static or playing like a movie?
or Do you hear a sound? Or a voice?. How does it sound? Loud, high pitch, low pitch? Is the sound far or near?
Or is it a feeling?
Let me ask you another question?
When was the last time you experienced sadness? Anxiety? Unhappiness? Do you remember that experience?
Do you see it as a picture that is colorful or black and white? Is the picture bright or dull? Is it static or playing like a movie?
or Do you hear a sound? Or a voice?. How does it sound? Loud, high pitch, low pitch? Is the sound far or near?
Or is it a feeling?
I know you just realized that there was a pattern in what you had experienced, Didn’t you?
Most of us, when asked about our happy or less happy experience, we may or may not able to describe or may remember it as content e.g. “this thing happened and he said this or she said that”. The fact is everything has a structure or a pattern. From liquid to solids and even air. Its structure holds it intact and gives it meaning.
One of the NLP presuppositions states that’ Every experience has structure’. Our thoughts and memories have patterns to them. Our experiences are comprised of various elements: behaviour, emotions, patterns of thinking (there are main components in our thought – pictures, sounds, and feelings) and the beliefs or assumptions on which those patterns are based. Differences in experiences are a direct result of differences in how these elements are structured.
Let me simplify for your by stating an example :
My friend Sudha ( name changed for anonymity) is tall and a confident woman. As a child, Sudha was always bullied at school for her height. Her classmates laughed at her. She would hear the comments and that would hurt her. As she was tall, she was always asked to occupy the last seat in the classroom. Sudha became shy and timid. She had no friends and she felt rejected.
The structure of her experience was–Being Tall= Friends laughing at her (Picture) + Being ridiculed by friends (Sound), Why me (her own self-talk) + Sinking feeling (Feelings).
Life changed for Sudha when she entered college. On the first day of college, she met another girl who was not only taller than Sudha but also more confident and dynamic. Can you imagine as to how Sudha must have felt? Over a period of time, she met more girls who were equally tall or taller than her.
Since she was tall, she was also selected to play for the College Basketball team. She went on to play and win several tournaments for her college, thus transforming her into a confident and successful girl.
The transformed structure of her experience was – Being tall = Winning basketball matches (picture) + her friends and Coach motivating(Sound) + feeling lighter and ecstatic (feelings)
You might have noticed the change in the structure of her experience. Seems magical, isn’t it?
In Sudha’s case, there were changes in the external environment, thus leading to change in the structure of the experience. I know that you know that external environment may not be in our control. The fact that we are aware that our experiences have structure itself is very empowering.
Here are few exercises that you could try to change the structure of an unhappy experience:
- Remember that unhappy experience
- Change the color in the picture by making it black or white, and if it is still then speed it up.
- For the sound, lower the pitch, reduce the volume and take it farther.
- Replace the qualities of an unpleasant memory with those of a happy memory. It will enhance your thought or feeling.
I know that you would also like to feel happier about your happy experiences, wouldn’t you? Here are few exercises that you could try:
- Remember that Happy experience
- Change the color in the picture by making it more colorful. Watch the picture like a movie and also imagine that you are part of that movie.
- For sound, increase the volume and bring the sound closer
- To intensify the happy feeling, associate yourself by being present in that happy movement and seeing things with your own eyes.
If we understand this presupposition that’ every experience has a structure’ we can take control and decide to think and feel in ways suitable to us.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope you found it useful. The fact you have read this article means that you would like to read about NLP and Coaching. For more on Coaching and NLP, do read my previous articles.
